Me First: Maternal Rage - The Emotion We’re Not Supposed to Feel

⚠️ Disclaimer: This post talks honestly about maternal rage, intrusive thoughts, and the emotional impact of motherhood. If you’re struggling, you are not alone — and help is available. This isn’t about judgement; it’s about truth.

Let’s talk about something that still gets brushed under the rug — even in the age of “honest mum content”:

Rage.

Not irritation. Not “Mummy’s just a bit frazzled.”We’re talking about that explosive, terrifying, heart-thumping, scream-into-a-pillow kind of anger.

The kind where you shout louder than you meant to.The kind that leaves you crying afterwards, wondering who the hell you’ve become.The kind you never imagined feeling towards people you love more than life itself.

And the shame?Oh, the shame is nuclear.

“But good mums don’t get angry…”

Oh but we do. We just learn to hide it.

From the moment we become mothers, we're sold a load of crap about being soft, nurturing, calm at all times. Like we’re some kind of emotional marshmallow who can absorb tantrums, sleep deprivation, and chronic underappreciation without ever cracking.

But rage is often a symptom of deeper things:

• Chronic overstimulation

• Sleep deprivation

• Hormonal shifts

• Feeling unseen, unheard, unsupported

• A total lack of personal space or autonomy

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Basically, maternal rage is what happens when your needs are ignored for so long they start screaming for you.

“I thought I was broken.”

Here’s the truth no one tells you on those shiny parenting leaflets: Maternal rage is common. It’s real.And it does not make you a bad mum.

In fact, it often means you’ve been trying to hold it all together for far too long.

What does it actually feel like?

Here’s what maternal rage can look like in the raw:

• Slamming drawers. Doors. Cupboards. Whatever’s nearby.

• Yelling until your voice cracks — then hating yourself for it.

• Feeling like you're constantly about to explode, and you don’t even know why.

• Snapping over something tiny — a toy on the floor, someone asking for juice again — because your nervous system is fried.

• Getting so overstimulated that even the sound of your child breathing too loudly sends you over the edge.

• Having intrusive thoughts that scare the living hell out of you.

  
  

You’re not violent. You’re not unstable. You’re overloaded.

The science bit (because it’s not just “mummy’s being moody”)

Research shows that anger is often a secondary emotion — one that covers up things like sadness, powerlessness, fear, or exhaustion.Studies into postpartum mood disorders now recognise rage as a common but under-discussed symptom — particularly when linked to anxiety or depression.

Rage is a signal. It’s your body saying,“This is too much.”

It shows up when your needs have been ignored for so long, they start kicking the door in.It’s the product of chronic sleep deprivation, overstimulation, under-support, hormones, isolation, and being touched all day with zero space to breathe.

And in case you need to hear it:

You’re not imagining it. It’s not “just a phase.” It’s not your fault.

But what if I need help?

Here’s the part we don’t talk about enough:Many mothers don’t seek help because they’re terrified they’ll be judged.Or worse — that someone will say the words we’ve all silently feared:

“Maybe you're not safe to be around your children.”

I lived with that fear.And for a while, it stopped me from getting help.

But here’s what I’ve learned: behind the screen of perfection, there are good, qualified people who genuinely want to help you — not punish you. You just might have to find the right ones.

For me? I once had a mental health “expert” decide my issue wasn’t postnatal depression — it was ADHD. Out of nowhere. No assessment, no context. Just a 5 minute conversation over the phone.I wrote a very strongly worded letter to the Trust board and received a formal apology.

(That story? Another post entirely.)

But I kept going. I did find the right support. And it changed everything.

You deserve help. Without fear.

Maternal rage doesn’t mean you’re dangerous. It doesn’t mean your kids should be taken away.

It means you need support, rest, care, and space.

If the rage is constant, if the shame is unbearable, if the intrusive thoughts scare you — please reach out.

Your GP. A perinatal mental health team. A therapist. A friend who sees the real you.Because underneath the rage is usually a mother who’s been running on fumes for too long — and who is still showing up, every single day.

Final truth

You’re not broken. You’re not “too much.”You’re not failing.

You are a mother doing everything for everyone — with nothing left for yourself. You’re allowed to feel rage. You’re allowed to rest. You’re allowed to get help.

You’re allowed to put yourself first — thriving, unapologetic, gloriously self-serving.

And maybe a little bit sweary.